Worst Student Excuses


The statements which you are about to read are of varying degrees of believability and of altogether dubious authenticity. They may or may not have been invented for the sake of entertainment for the humor writers. Should the veracity of these anecdotes be called into question, The Circle Voice is hereby protected from all indictments, allegations, accusations, proclamations, impeachments, citations or condemnations concerning the verity of the quotations below. That said, please enjoy.


“Last year, a student missed a whole class period. He emailed me later explaining that someone had changed the directions of an arrow on the ground, locking him into an inescapable walking loop that led nowhere.”


“While we were still remote, a student emailed me to say that her cat had eaten her laptop, and that she would not be able to attend Zoom classes for the foreseeable future.” 


“Last spring, a student came to class without having done his homework. I spoke to him after class and he said that the Earth Day walkout had inspired him to abstain from using paper, and that he would not be completing any paper assignments from that point.”


“A student came late to a Saturday morning class saying that his car wouldn’t start that morning. This student was a boarder who lived in my dorm.”


“A student once told me that their homework handout had flown out of her hand onto the Circle, and they couldn’t walk across to retrieve it.”


“A few years ago, a student came into class without his research paper, which was due that day . He explained that he had played Surprise Holiday Roulette the night before and hadn’t finished it. The worst part was that Surprise Holiday had already happened for that term.”