Before attending this school, you must accept that there will be no prom, no Friday Night Lights. No one will pick you up for a date in a car during your time at Groton. We can complain all we want about the never-ending major commitments, but doing so is pointless: we can’t change that.

I will not, however, let you sulk about your social lives anymore because you have the power to change it. A strong social scene requires a collective effort. Each year, incoming students struggle to navigate their way through the rigid social norms here, dismissing previous notions of social cues as they try their best to blend in – especially regarding gender relations.
Each time I return to the Circle, the gender divide makes me want to go back to public school. It usually takes a few days for me to rationalize the fact that males and females of the Fifth Form cannot even sit with each other at lunch without tension. We’ve known each other for over two years. As I went to lunch before writing this article, I counted just two Upper School co-ed tables out of the many occupied. Only one boy sat at each.

It’s entirely reasonable to be somewhat nervous when interacting with another gender, but back at my public school we got over this anxiety well before the seventh grade. I had 900 kids at my middle school, making it easier for us to select our own friend groups. One of the downfalls of living at a small school like Groton is that we all know each other too well. We care too much about what others think, and that plays a big role in how we interact with one another.

Groton is too small for any of us to ignore others’ business – at times it seems like there is nothing better to do than butt into our friends’ relationships. We might as well all be dating the same person if it takes the collective efforts of five people to connect a couple. Some might call this camaraderie, but it’s a result of the binge psychology here. After a long week of class and practices, we put pressure on ourselves to make our remaining free time especially valuable. Relationships are an effective way to do so. There is simply no time to instill healthy gender relations during the week. If Groton students aren’t losing sleep over homework, they’ll find something else to lose it over.

In order to make interactions more “normal,” whatever that means, the student body should follow the example set by my public school friends, we need to be comfortable with who we are rather than force ourselves into a mold. I admit that presenting a false image is tempting. And it’s not just girls – boys are perceptible to this behavior, too. It is far easier to be a mold than to be one’s self.

I’ve grown comfortable with myself, and you should too. It’s the first step – knowledge of the self helps knowledge of others. Take some time and find out who you are. Trust me when I say it’s worth the effort.